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The Eleven Rules (with commentary)

Posted by royalgryphon on 2006.08.11 at 15:24
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Okay, so I've posted the Eleven Rules around the place... I'll touch on them in a little more detail here, I think.

-The Eleven Rules of Fluffy's Floof-

"1. Fluffy's floof is sentient, a living community of entities that Fluffy produces. Despite their limited individual intelligence, they possess kleptomaniac tendencies and will absorb desirable objects if not monitored."

Reminds me of the time I nearly had a run in with Johnny Law... Okay, so it was MANY times. However, this one instance takes the cake. I believe I needed a few things at my local convenience/liqueur store. I forget the details, but I'm certain unicorn jerky was somewhere on the list. (The smoked stuff, not the peppered crap. You can't even taste the unicorn in it, but anyway) I think imported beer was also on the list. I'm digressing... Basically, I went in and grabbed what I needed. It never takes me long. In and out. So I go to walk out the door and start to shove the goods into my floof when I feel something in there. I look closer and as it turns out, my floof also decided to do some shopping... An entire shelf's worth of boxed wine. Eesh, that was embarrassing. I'm lucky I know the guy that works there. He know I'd never run off with crap like that. I try to make a better effort to not brush up against store shelves now.

"2. The floof is also telescopic and prehensile. For instance, Fluffy can reach out and grab things with his floof and manipulate them to a limited extent."

Not really much to say here. It's certainly convenient for when I need an extra hand, but I certainly couldn't paint a masterpiece with it. It does help me maintain the top spot in floofiness, though, so it's all good. As for detail, each particular hair and feather is able to expand, or "telescope" to a longer length. The floof's prehensile abilities ease cleaning as they can act like cilia, although far larger and more advanced. But you really wanna read all this crap? It can do The Wave like at sports events and stuff.

"3. Any floof that is pulled out, cut off, or otherwise detached from its master, will crawl around on whatever dislodged it. In theory, enough floof could smother and kill the attacker by invading their respiratory system.

This one is always a tricky one for some, I think. See, this ONLY applies to floof that has been "detached". Now, if I am naturally shedding and molting, those old hairs and feathers are effectively /dead/. They pose no threat. It is interesting to note that they still follow the "about two days" rule and will disintegrate after such a period. There is a reason for this that will be touched on later. As much as I hate this rule, it's an effective deterrent to idiots that wanna mess with my floof.

"4. Any floof missing from Fluffy will instantaneously respawn, making any attempts to render him not as floofy futile."

This is my favorite rule. It's pretty self-explanatory. However, even if it's not pulled out by the root, (such as being trimmed) the remainder will have repaired itself as soon as it's damaged. Floofy forever! So, yeah, I'm grateful for this one.

"5. Floof that is no longer on its master will only survive a maximum of two days before completely disintegrating, making it impossible to capitalize on Fluffy's floof."

While the reason I give is correct, it's only the reason in my interpretation. The real reason for this is that my physical being is sustained by my soul. As such, there can be no /duplicates/ of me, or /extras/ not attached to me. they will simple vanish from existence like they never existed in a "video game enemies that vanish after you kill them" type reasoning... erased from history, or something.

"6. The floof has the capability to absorb heavy shock and even many physical objects. However, Fluffy must be expecting this beforehand in order to bring this ability to use."

Just to make this clear, I don't need to be expecting a blow to absorb the shock. That is a passive trait. It's absorbing the object that I need to expect it. It isn't that simple though. It's not like I can go walking around in a self-induced paranoia thinking I'm about to be struck. It won't work that way. On the other side, this also works to my advantage when I'd rather not have something absorbed into my floof. The floof rejects it~

"7. The floof is not fire-resistant. It does protect against burns due to its instant-regenerative abilities, but even then, it can only insulate against so much heat."

Like anything, the floof acts as an insulator. A very good one. Despite having a flash point, it keeps the heat away from what matters (Me) very effectively. (Still has a horrid smell, though. You've ever smelled burning hair? It will overpower you, geeze) But as with anything, it has its limits. There's a reason you don't see me going volcano diving often. And no, it's not just the gases.

"8. The floof can temporarily form into a mirror-like bullet-proof armor by flattening tightly against Fluffy. In this state, it can sustain much more damage and resistance to crushing and squeezing forces is vastly improved. It takes a small amount of time to enter this configuration, however, making it unreliable in a sudden emergency. This technique also kills any critters that may be living on Fluffy (including fleas, ticks, etc.)."

Something I don't often use. I prefer to avoid tight situations. However, it's nice in any case. The floof actually flattens into a flexible sheet of bullet-proof armor with pressures so great, the floof melds together as if it were forged. This armor can take a lot on impact, anti-tank rounds, for example. As stated above, it's handy for getting rid of pests within my floof. (which is mostly what I use it for)

"9. The hairs of the floof also have the ability to join and twist together into an array of high-strength, needle sharp defensive quills much like that of a porcupine. In this configuration, burn resistance is somewhat sacrificed. As with rule eight, it takes a small amount of time to enter this configuration."

So... I covered the armor. Now for better defense. This works in much the same way. The floof melds together into quills, as I said above. The quills themselves are extremely sharp, having mono-molecular tips. (the pointy end is a single molecule) A handy defense against armored thingies.

"10. Fluffy's floof is also home to the plane of existence know as the Plane of Floof. All native things inside it are floofy in some way. The plane is the home of the never-seen and mysterious race of wispy gryphon spirits. It is impossible to enter the plane without approval of Fluffy, the guardian and caretaker of the plane. Fluffy also uses the plane to store his inventory of ever-useful things."

The Plane of Floof. My sweet, sweet paradise. Mmm... Well this rule is only partially correct. The spirits have never been seen by /outsiders/. They tend to stay unseen. But err... It's a big place, the Core Sphere has several wonderful getaway locations and some excellent spas. There's also the Steakhouse, but I'll get more into the details of locations on a later date. It's funny how people try to get into the Plane. It's a simple impossibility. You can't get in without my approval and my approval only.

"11. Floofing suddenly, depending on speed and power, can produce a miniature to massive shock wave that will knock all free-standing beings or objects away (depending, again, on the power of the shock versus the weight of the being/object) from Fluffy. More powerful shock waves are rather taxing on Fluffy's stamina, however."

This one... Once accidentally knocked everyone over in a café when the waitress snuck up behind me. I SWEAR she did it on purpose, but meh. At least I got my Café Mocha. It's one of those things that really helps to get critters away from you. It has the power to level about 10 city blocks. 'Tis nice, cuz that means even the biggest of critters will go flying a fair distance. I've never used it to that degree, though.


lighthedgehog at 2006-10-29 11:21 (UTC) (Link)
aww, so I can't take floof home? ;_; rip-off.
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